Growth, Change & Challenges In Life!

Ever sit and think and have a million things from all different directions invading your brain?
I have so many thoughts and feelings, I sometimes just do not know where it starts and where it ends.....
Ill start with this thought....
I had a friend ask me today if I thought I had grown or changed in regards to a test I took online. People say I have but I don't always agree. Ok well I partially agree and this is why... parts of me have grown but parts of me still struggles to grow.... Its like Im this lopsided tree, one part is tall and the other part isnt. The part that is tall is healthy, strong and nourished but the other isnt. Aren't many of us like that.. the imperfect tree? Perhaps we wiggle and squirm too much and stunt the growth of parts of us... I just got an image of a pot on a potters wheel and part of that pot was lopsided.... I have done pottery without the wheel and well lol my creation was indeed lopsided... my grandmother was a potter... well she made many things out of clay including a model of me as a little girl, I remember her showing me some of her work and teaching me how to mold and how it all works.... it was fun and I wanted to do the same thing but never got to do so. Her creations never moved but sat still before her ( well of course they werent alive lol) but think about it we need to die to ourselves when we are in that death state... that is when He works on us the most because we are the most willing and the most submitted. As she created ... every facet was just so, she took time to do the hair, the eyes the nose the mouth, the hands....every piece had detail and almost perfect. How much more does our Father do that... if we submit and be most willing for Him to work on our hearts to make it just so....
I am reminded of a part in Hinds Feet in High Places when the girl ended up laying down and being put to sleep so to speak and waking up with a new heart...with the seed that had grown into a flower.. called LOVE ..... she died to herself that day and came out a new creation. This is how we are to be! Wow we NEED LOVE to grow in our hearts and in order for love to come alive we need to grow and allow every part of our journey shape us into who we are to become in HIS eyes! Yes it does hurt as it hurt much for that girl.. she thought she was going to lose everything but what she didnt know was that she gained much.... the LOVE if the shepherd, how glorious is that. I was that little girl... I traveled a journey much like she did and I hurt much like she did and fell and listened to things along the way that I shouldnt have yet she has peace and joy as her guide along the journey.. to things I want most .... oh myyyy all along I have struggled with thinking I do not have peace and joy in my life but sorrow and suffering.. for those that have read the book will know exactly what I am talking about... Much Afraid alwas thought she was walking with Peace and Joy but at the end she found out they thought they were sorrow and suffering... interesting how God points out that what we think we are is not how others see us or God sees us... I struggle with this immensly. My view of myself is most likely warped but its not as warped as it used to be! It used to be ... " How could anyone love me, I cant even love myself, How can anyone care for me, I am not worthy, Why do you love me, I am a mess " Now I see myself much different but I am not all the way there in this view of myself.
Many of us have warped views of ourselves but if we lay ourselves before Him and listen to HIS words we will grasp hold of the amazing love He has for us and that He loves us in spite of ourselves!
This is just one of many thoughts ... I have swimming inside of me. I often wonder what it is that people like about me and not like about me and this is always a biggy.. am I making an impact in a persons life as the Lord uses me or am I getting in the way? Yeah thoughts like these invade my brain from time to time... it isnt necessarly thoughts from satan as much as its just thoughts to see how I can improve in my walk with HIM!
And on that note, Good night , Im falling asleep writing this haha
God bless