Are we really treating our friends the same?

Being a woman can be nuts. The hormonal rollercoaster can be one wild ride. To learn to control the emotions within is not always easy especially when little things set it off. We know that God made us women to be strong and that strength within is what carries us through.
By now you have figured out I am struggling within certain emotions which are being tamed but at time buck like a wild horse. I am frustrated in how different I am treated and not sure how to deal with the seemingly non existance of me... well I exist but only when people want me to.
I exist because God created me and I know that what He says should only matter but when you have prayed for a long time for certain things and hope others felt the same but never seeing the words yet you see it being said to others... I end up wondering what is wrong with me! Why is it so hard to say certain things to me but so easy to say to others. I quite do not understand it. Is there something in me that creates an unapproachable atmosphere where it cannot be said or perhaps because of something in my past makes it uncomfortable to say those things?
It really boggles my mind and this isnt the first time I have thought of this , it is just the first time I really talked about it to this extent. I have tried to not let it bother me and just sweep it under the rug but ... when it hits me in the face I just want to cry because it just gives me a painful twinge in my heart when I think of all the times I have said certain things yet it is never said to me but to others! I try so hard to keep it at bay but tonight I have just had it. I do not like it when there is a two face scenerio going on. Act one way to one person but another way to another.. I try not to do that to people, I rather be real and say what is true in my own heart.
I have a desire to meet a few people in my life however that is not the same with other person and it really makes me wonder if I should ever hope for this desire and just toss it all away and forget how much it means to me. One sidedness doesnt cut it for me... ah well I am glad to say that Jesus will tell me He can't wait to "see" me and spend time with me or tell me He misses me when I step too far away!
ok I feel a little bit better provided I do not get my head bit off ! lol been known to happen when I express from my heart!
Now I just want to say I do not like to always post stuff like this because I do not want the sympathy ... I just needed to put it out there in hopes that people will realise that in reality it can hurt when we treat people such as our friends differently more than we may realise! I know each person I meet is difference, the connection and so forth. What I feel for one may not be how I feel for another and that is the case in this issue I spoke about in this blog. Sometimes how I feel toward a person they may not feel the same way to me.. why I do not know and that is what I struggle with the most.
I will just lean into Him more .... and embrace Him for His love is healing! Praise Jesus for that!
thats all for now...

Which river are you?

I see that i haven't posted in over 2 weeks, slacker I am LOL
Well, alot has been going on in my life which I have done a lot of re evaluating where I am in Christ and seeing what needs to be worked on. Yet He never ceases to amaze me when He puts words in my heart for another and that what comes out just blows me away. I think " Lord , I never knew I had that in me, where did that come from or Lord!!! What are you doinggggg! Yet I am learning to make the choice to obey. Like I said in the past post or so .... that He is turning my life , attitudes and such around so that it glorifies Him and only Him. At times my stomach gets butterflies yet I continue to say HERE I AM, LORD!
Lately I have been listening or reading at a forum about other lives of Christians.. listening to them vent and so forth. I have been blown away by the immaturity of many and the maturity of few. I ponder on what God thinks about maturing in Him. Are we supposed to be stuck in a rut drinking milk or are we supposed to move forward in our growth and start chewing on the word and drinking the wine of the spirit. Many spiritual babies have been saved many years, it is so sad. It makes me wonder how truly hungry they are for Him. Satan seems to have a hold on people in this position.
It really comes back to that dreaded word most of us hate to read or hear CHOICE and a second one called DISCIPLINE! When we choose to discipline ourselves it is then that the choices we make become easier for us especially when we choose to walk close to Him.
So many christians are not walking in a place of closeness that they do not even smell like Him.
Have you ever been close to a person with perfume and end up with some of that smell on you.. that is what we are supposed to be like with Jesus. However many of us are closer to the stench of the world. Ever been near someone that smoked and come home smelling like it. Yeah you get the picture!
I want to smell like I have been in the fresh river too... that sweet smell of having been washed clean instead of swimming or diving into a muddy river.. ick that is too disgusting to me but guess what many of us are doing that... we rather have a mix then the pure sweet smell of the river of life! How are we supposed to be getting clean in a muddy river... you can't!
How can you find anything in a muddy river?? It's hard to see you end up swimming with your eyes closed... reminds my of the blind leading the blind and they both fall into a ditch. So if your a leader and you are swimming in the muddy stuff... people are following you, guess what.. you all will go astray.. where as when you swim in the clear, sweet river, you can swim with your eyes open... the Sun can shine through the water and make it crystal clear and that is when you can find the treasures He puts there! The sun cannot shine through muddy water no matter what you do with it!
You know it just occured to me... I believe there are certain birds that fly and dive into the water to retrieve fish some with their feet and some with there beaks... I am sure they can see the fish better in clear water than in muddy water ! Do you think when we are witnessing ( fishing) we see better when it is clear water than muddy and that we are sweet smelling instead of foul smelling?
Who would you rather be,like sweet smelling clear river flowing out of you or the foul smelling muddy river flowing out of you? Remember this is what people of the world will see!
Until Next time ..... keep staying close to HIM!

Instill In Me-Poem after reading Affabel

Instill In Me

Instill in me
The fear of the Lord

Instill in me
A heart of forgiveness

Instill in me a desire to
Do your perfect will

Instill in me your
Amazing love

That I may walk righteously
Before Your throne

I kneel on my knees
I cry out
To be free

I want to please you
Oh my Lord and King

Teach me to listen
And do what you say

Show me
Your perfect way

I desire to endure to
The very end

That I may find a place
In Your Kingdom


Instill in me
Instill in me

©September 7th 2007 Jennifer Shannon

Loving Me

Loving Me

What can I do?
What can I say to you?
You are there, calling me
Calling me

Here I am in filthy rags
A sinner, a wretched
Child of the lamb
Falling to my knees
In repentance
Seeking to be free
And forgiven
Here you are, saving me,
Saving me

It is your tears falling
On the brokenness inside
Restoring within me new life
You are here, healing me,
Healing me

It is your arms of love
Reaching deep inside of
My heart
Drawing it closer to yours

You are standing there
Never letting me go
I am kneeling here
Holding you close
It is you, loving me,
Loving me

It is you loving me
Loving me true
Won’t you teach me
To love you too?

©September 4th 2007 Jennifer Shannon

Affabel~ Window of Eternity

This is the most profound audio theatre I have ever listened to in my entire life.
It was as if I was actually there.
During my listening to this, I had thoughts of where I went wrong, what I needed to repent of and let go of as well as what I needed to change but that is not all, I also got images of family members, friends saved and not saved and just people in the world and how many of them may never see Eternal life. As I was driving to the store today, it hit me how many people reside on this earth and how many will not make it to heaven, christian and unbelievers. It nearly took my breath away. I could just barely grasp the vastness of it and also the great sadness it must have in Father's heart!
As I went about my day, my mind resounded... Affabel, Affabel and I could sense/see/feel the power. It is hard to explain but I did ask God to cause me to remember this story during my daily walk with Him and that when I have to make a choice to overcome or succomb to sin that this would ring in every part of my being. I do not want to forget ever and run toward the end and obtain the prize He so sees fit for me! My goal is to please Him... how??? By listening and doing His word. I am not sure how it will all pan out but I know I need to make major changes. My theology has been shaken, my perception has been turned right side up and everything I do and think and say affects the righteous judgement that will take place in the end of my life. Just thinking about it sends my stomach into fits. This is why I have had fears of death.. it isnt death itself but the after wards that scares me the most.
I strongly encourage everyone to read this book Driven by Eternity and get the 2.5 hrs of dvd Affabel. You will not be dissappointed, it will impact your life and hopefully it will change you for the better!
One thing I know now is those that speak the truth of the word... not just the positive but the not so positive are the ones who get attacked the most, they are the ones people tend to cry False Prophet, False Teacher, False Christian! The true ones stand for His righteousness and Glory and they will get the greater reward!
I want to honor Him in every way and love Him deeper than I have ever loved Him before! Only He can instill that in me if I have an open heart to recieve!
I wrote two poems one before I even read D. B. E and Affabel and one afterword. I will post them in the next two journals.

Give Glory to the Great King and Awesome Son of God and Amazing Father!
Bless you and onward I go... to endure to the very end that I may be saved for all eternity in Heaven!

Driven by Eternity~~ ACCCKKKK!

These past 2 week or at least a month now, I have been struggling with true salvation and eternity. I have had so many questions and I am now reading Driven by Eternity and choking back the tears and realising how much more so I need to get my act together and truly follow Him. I have been haunted the last few nights again and unable to sleep for fear of not waking up and ending up in hell. It really scares me but today I read something... John Bevere said we don't have to go into judgement in fear but we can go with confidence then he quotes a scripture aftward 1 John 4:17 NLT . I was able to breath a little bit but not fully, I am realising more and more that my salvation is heavily at stake. I willfully and habitually sin knowingly and if I were to die right now the odds of me entering heaven is not good and that has me shaking inside.
I have known this for a while and it is obvious the Lord wants me to grasp the truth of true repentence and forgiveness. I know it all in my head but it has not become part of my heart yet. I have read various passages from Matt 7 even today in this book is came up and I am just shaken. My greatest fear is not making the right choice.... I choose yet my flesh battles with the truth and the false. John is beginning to put it into perspective though using the movie the Matrix. The contrast between what is real and what we think to be real and that is something I am beginning to get a hold of. Is it worth it to willfully sin... it looks good.. it feels good but it isnt good at all? Like Eve was decieved... she saw the tree as good and beautiful but it truly wasnt the reality of that tree.

I finished the first part of the story Affabel and it so reminded me of Hinds Feet in High Places. Who do I relate to the most ... faint in heart and what was her end? Read the book and find out. Who do I want to be like most? Charity!
Yet I relate to all the characters, there is a bit of all of them in me except double life, he was a teacher and I am not in that kind of a role.
The one thing I want to understand... my heart skipped a beat when I read this... the goodness of our deeds before we turned away would be forgotten and not credited to you. My question is this how can this be redeemed, can it be redeemed? I turned away for a time so does that mean everything I did before that is nothing or when I repented and returned to Him will they be remembered again?
The other thing that has come up this month is the Book of Life. There is an argument going around that says ... once your name is written in the book of life it cannot be erased ... but why would God say not erased.. doesnt that mean it can be??? John said in this book.... it can because we are not saved till the END, Scriptures say He who endures to the end WILL BE SAVED. so I understand this to mean right now we are being saved but the full salvation isnt untill Judgement Day! This throws the once saved always saved out the window completely! He who endures to the end overcomeswill be clothed in white and His Name will be in the book of life and cannot be erased. So at the end it cannot be erased for those who kept the faith, the walk , commandments , and KNEW HIM .... their names will not be blotted out ever!
This blew me away and made me gasp.
It also brought up a question... what if after turning away , upon returning to Him and enduring to the end ... will all those things be restored or is it too late? I am sure John will be able to answer that question later in the book.
I am sure I will have more to say when I read more of the book. I read all I could take today and I hope I can sleep tonight! My inner core being is shaken and I am a bit freaked out! Not that I already was... it just confirmed more of what I feared! I do not want to give up... I want to know Him and I want to realllllllllllllyyyyyy be close to Him as a servent of the most high but it will require major life changes... I think my world is about to be turned upside down or should I say right side up?
Thats it for now